people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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