Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
