Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
