Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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