ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
