if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
