Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
