We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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