Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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