The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I would fuck him just for his dog
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
