her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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