Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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