I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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