Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
