the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
