I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
barbara walters just said penis...
No more Irish car bombs ever.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
