I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
