i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
