Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
So many bounce houses so little time
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
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