i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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