I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
