afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
