It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
