I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I want to fling myself into the sun
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize