Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
dude i'm inner monologue high
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
The power of my boobs compel you
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
