My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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