My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Randomize
