This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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