I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize
