That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
