i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
