she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
