We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
