I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
