Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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