the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
