the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
