If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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