im six kinds of drunk right now
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
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