I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
