Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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