I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
