I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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