Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
