i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
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