my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
