Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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