You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
where does the pee come out of this thing
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
