Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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