he wants to bone in the snuggie
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
