This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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