You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
