I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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