she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
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