Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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