true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
