last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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