spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
