Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
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