You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
