I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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