I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
me + whiskey = a bad person
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
