Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I don't want my vagina anymore.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
