i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
