no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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