we made out on top of his cat.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
