Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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