So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Randomize
