ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
