WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
