why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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