It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
