The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
