I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
