Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
