my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
