but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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