are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
