as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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