It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
