My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
