hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
