He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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