you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
