i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I have feelings that need drinking.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
