whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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