I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize