you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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