This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
