I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
