yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
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