Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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