Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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