I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
