If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Randomize
