i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
