On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
