he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
