So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Randomize
