If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
